Long Distance by Brandy

There's only so many songs that i can sing to pass the time
and I'm running out of things to do to get you off my mind (oh whoa)
all I have is this picture in a frame (oh ah)
that I hold close to see your face everyday

With you is where i'd rather be
but were stuck where we are
it's so hard, your so far..
this long distance is killing me
I wish that you are here with me
but were stuck where we are
it's so hard, your so far.. (so hard, your so far..)
this long distance is killing me

it's so hard, it's so hard, where we are, where we are, your so far
this long distance is killing me
it's so hard, it's so hard, where we are, where we are, your so far
(so hard, so hard, where we are, where we are, your so far)
this long distance is killing me

Now the minutes feel like hours
and the hours feel like days.. (whoa oh whoa)
while I'm away (way-ayyyy)
you know right now I cant be home (ahhhhhh)
but I'm coming home soon (ahhhhhh)
coming home soon.. (ahhhhhh a hahhh)
all I have is this picture in a frame (ahhhhh)
that I hold close to see your face everyday

With you is where i'd rather be (where I'd rather be..)
but were stuck where we are (oh oh)
it's so hard, (oh ah) your so far.. (oh ahhh)
this long distance is killing me
I wish that you are here with me (you are here with me)
but were stuck where we are (oh oh)
it's so hard, (oh ah) your so far.. (oh ahhh)
[Long Distance Lyrics On http://www.elyricsworld.com/ ]
Can you hear me crying?
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh (ohh-oh ohh-oh)
Can you hear me crying? (oh-oh ah!)
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh (ohh-oh ohh-oh)
Can you hear me crying? (oh-oh ah!)
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh (ohh-oh ohh-oh)
ooooh woo whoa ah ahhhhhhh oh ahhh (oh-oh ah!)
uh ahhh uh ahhh whoaooooohh ah (ohh-oh ohh-oh)

With you is where i'd rather be (where I'd rather be..) whoaaaa!
(but were stuck where we are) oh!
(it's so hard) so hard (your so far) so far
(this long distance is killing me) this long distance is killing me
I wish that you are here with me (you are here with me) meee..
(but were stuck where we are) stuck where we are! so hard! so far
this long distance is killing me

it's so hard, it's so hard, where we are, where we are, your so far
this long distance is killing me
it's so hard, it's so hard, where we are, where we are, your so far
(so hard, so hard, where we are, where we are, your so far)
this long distance is killing me

There's only so many songs that i can sing to pass the time...

Thanks to I Am...A Long Distance Away

My October

I must admit, October was a shitty month for me. I am not exactly sure why but I felt like I was slowly falling into a black hole I like to call "depression". I found myself distancing myself from people that I love dearly. I had my blinders on when it came to matters of the heart. Now that I am in my current state of mind I have to find my out of this depression. I know it will take a little time to do but I just hope that other people I love can understand.

Keeping the faith; racing with destiny: Part 1

I know, I know. I haven’t written something meaningful in quite some time. I guess, in a way, I have been at a loss for words. My mind has been trying to wrap itself around understanding the many emotions that have been rushing through my body. After saying these emotions out loud and discussing them with someone, I feel as if my mind has been put at ease. Backtracking in my mind the few relationships that I have been in and the underlying emotions that started with them and the lack thereof that ended them, I have come to realize that I have loved another but evidently I wasn’t in-love. Falling in-love with another person is a once in a lifetime experience that can seem lonely at times. As lonely as it may seem, there is a lot of the “little things” that keep me on my toes and wanting more. For instance, when the phone rings and it’s Jaime, I instantly smile and feel as if nothing else matters. My heart pounds at the very thought of him and his voice is like a beautiful melody that only I can hear. I lay awake in bed at night and when I close my eyes I can feel him here, with his arms around me and I fall asleep smiling because I now know what people always meant by the phrase “it’s the little things that count…” It’s the scent he left behind that lingers in my mind. It’s his warm, gentle touch that leaves me wanting more. It’s the quick glance into his eyes and seeing much more than what meets the eye. It’s the pain and daily fight of wanting so much more but remaining patient. Time plays a major role for me right now. As hard as it be to race along side the hands of time, I know in my heart that Jaime is worth every second that passes.

To be continued...

So Many People by Stephen Speaks

Can you hear it when
When I call out your name
Would you listen or
Would you turn your head away
Cause there’s something in the water
That’s keeping this alive
There’s something in the water
Saying don’t let it die

Cause there are so many people
Wandering all alone
There are so many people
Searching for what we’ve found

Can you taste it
The delicateness
Can you smell it when
When I hold you like this
Can you feel it when
When I’m holding your hand
Do you miss it when
When you’re not where I am
Cause there’s something in the water
That’s keeping this alive
There’s something in the water
Saying don’t let it die

Cause there are so many people
Wandering all alone
There are so many people
Searching for what we’ve found

And if we ever let this go
It’s something we’re sure to miss
And I just thought I’d let you know
It doesn’t get better than this

There are so many people
Wandering all alone
There are so many people
Searching for what we’ve found

One for my cyber-stalkers.

A few drops of rain gently touched my skin and I mindfully returned to a day when I had no worries and no decisions to make. It seems that as of lately much has been weighing on my mind and my heart. As the rain drops became more steady, I sat there, oblivious to the universe around me. Barely responsive and lost in thought of my special someone. I wonder how my life would be ten years from now. I question my happiness that I currently enjoy. I know that the cause of my happiness is something that I continue to do with my day-to-day lifestyle. I frequently fall back on my happiness and think about my past. Had I given in to the temptation of not wanting to be alone for the rest of my days, would I be happy? Probably not. However, within the last year, I have learned much about myself that I have denied. I had denied myself the ability to reside in a happy mental state. I thought of every negative occurrence in my life and I used that as an excuse to preserve a half-lit smile. Then a day came when I saw the blue skies around my small and dark world. I felt the spring breeze brush across my neck and for the first time in a long time I was at ease. All of the anger and sadness I had built up over the years was simply washed away with a quick summer storm. At this point I was on a general high and I thus far I have found the strength to remain there.

Holding Back and Letting Go

There I was, 1:38 in the morning, standing in a thunderstorm. As the lightening flashes, everything on my mind appeared through the blur. I felt the rush as the wind picked up and I finally saw the big picture. The contemplative thoughts I have, I have for a reason. I’m holding back and at the same time I am letting go. The two concepts contradict each other in certain situations, but not mine. As the water rolled down my face I felt as if I was free from worry. As I lifted my arms up and tilted my head back I felt this extravagant and overwhelming feeling of completion and being content with life. I know that I am where I am supposed to be in life.

There is one thing on my mind, day and night, that I can not openly discuss because what I want to say and what I do say may seem as if they are two different things. This is not the case at all but when I hold back emotions and I say things to circle around these emotions, I may end up leaving everything behind with a lot of confusion and that is what scares me. I don’t want to end up losing this newly found happiness, how can I avoid this? Perhaps I am letting my fear, losing someone I care a great deal about, get the best of me.

I have struggled with this blog for five days. Those were the longest, desperate, most anxious and uncertain five days I have felt in a very long time. After a lot of thought, a few actions and words with comforting friends, this is my blog, “the blog”:

My heart is currently aching for various reasons. My move to Pennsylvania is a big factor of this. I am moving away from what and who I know. I am taking away the one chance I may ever have to get to know my father, to better the life for me and Kaley. I can only hope that he, and everyone else, understands. This move is a big step for Kaley, as well as, myself. Moving with my mother will be a great experience for Kaley. Yes, we lived with my mother before but Kaley vaguely remembers any of it. I want my mother and Kaley to have a relationship like no other. I guess it is time for me to let go of what I have grown to love and be comfortable with. It’s time for a change of pace in life.

I find myself falling for someone that I care a great deal about. Surprisingly, I have never felt this way before, ever. In a way I am having a hard time understanding some of the emotions that rush through me so I just endure them as they come. Each day these emotions grow stronger as I grow fonder and each day I find myself lost in thought about life and happiness. That is, life and happiness with this person. I share my every thought with him and yet, I don’t. I tend to bite my tongue on certain things that hover in my mind. I guess you can say that my holding back is part of the waiting game. Why rush something that seems to be – perfect? I sometimes wonder if I have fallen into a comfort zone when it comes to holding back and hiding what’s really there. I know that waiting to see if, what I feel is real, is the best solution. I know that what I feel now, is more real than anything else at this point but when it comes down to it, it may be a façade. I just hope that it isn’t. This experience has defined and justified who I truly am deep down inside, to myself.

I am worried about my brother. Since the news of us moving it has seemed as though he is a little sad. Jimmy knows of my love of music and he understands how I can communicate to others with the use of lyrics and notes. Earlier this evening he had shared a song with me, which is not like him. This song said a lot to me and instantly I broke down in to tears. I worry that he will be alone and become depressed. Much like how I had become and it took me years to climb out of that rut. Growing up I didn’t have much of a relationship with him. He wasn’t around much as he lived with his father for a while. Many, many years later we grew closer, with each witty remark and sharing all the laughter that we did, the relationship with my brother has established a family bond. I find myself wondering if he thinks that when I move away that our relationship will fade? I know that this will not be the case but the thought lingers, probably in both of our minds.

I will end this blog with saying this: I am grateful for my friends and family. Without any of you, I would be stuck in my usual rut filled with desperation and sadness. My black cloud has finally passed on and now my future is filled with sunny days of life, love, family, friends, hope and faith. I can’t express my thanks to the many of you who were there for me over the years. I was in limbo and now I’m soaring free. I made a transition in my life that reciprocated my mentality. Life is good. I realize that I can only live it once and I will do just that. My heart is sitting on go and in my mind I’m letting myself go as I hold back.

No One Has To Know

by Tyler Herrin

I feel you staring down at me,
I must admit I'm flying.
You take my hand and quietly,
Whisper the words I'm thinking.
Baby, let's go for a ride inside the night and
Let my hands run through your hair.

Cause, looking in your eyes time passes by as fast as it can go.
We could be moving real slow to the radio with all the lights on low.
I know this little place baby not far away, maybe we can go.
No one has to know.
No, no, no.

I've dreamed a thousand nights away,
Of you and your arms around me.
You whisper softly, "It's okay"
And time would suspend inside me.
Baby, let's go for a ride inside the night and
Let my hands run through your hair.
Yeah, yeah.

Cause, looking in your eyes time passes by as fast as it can go.
We could be moving real slow to the radio with all the lights on low.
I know this little place baby not far away, maybe we can go.
No one has to know.
No, no, no.

Sometimes I take so much for granted,
It's easy to do.
All that I want is standing hand-in-hand with you.

Cause, looking in your eyes time passes by as fast as it can go.
We could be moving real slow to the radio with all the lights on low.
I know this little place baby not far away, maybe we can go.
No one has to know.
No, no, no, no, no.
No one has to know.
No, no, no.
No one has to know.